22Sep08                                                            HOME
TO: Racial purists everywhere
FROM: Bill Swart

What if the racist is right? What if blacks, on average, are less intelligent than whites. What if their hatred is not based on the black-on-white image of copulating couples. (Funny thing, many of them don’t seem to have quite as much revulsion with white-on-black fornication.) What if denigration of the human race is a legitimate concern for those who would like to see our race evolving brainwise upward.

In the spirit of compromise, here’s a solution: We pass legislation to abolish the conventional (tongue-in-mouth, semi-perm, pre-nup) marriage agreement. In its place we, legislate that, when a heterosexually-inclined pair want to legally create likenesses of themselves, they drop by the court house, and take an IQ test.

Then, if the couple’s IQ average turns out to be average for IQ’s (100 except for Lake Wobegon), they will be issued a license to reproduce two of their kind. That, over the long haul, will have IQ-neutral effect on collective smartness – assuming intelligence is more or less inherited. But, if their IQ average is below average, they will be issued a license to reproduce only one of their sort. Over even the short haul that will tend to raise the collective IQ. (Some believe it will reduce the population of racists.)
And, as you might have guessed by now, an above-average IQ-average would result in a license to replace themselves, and add some to the global population. How many reproductions they would be permitted would be on a sliding scale, perhaps one for each increment of ten IQ points above 100. That could be worked out in committee. At the top incremental level a couple would be licensed to reproduce by the litter.

And now for the part of the proposed legislation that would get looooong liiiiines of racists out to the polling place on election day. It’s well-known in animal husbandry and agronomy that crossing two vigorous lines of a species (eg: fruits, fruit flies, horses, horsesasses) results in the phenomenon known as hybrid vigor. It’s referred to as out-crossing. What happens is that the out-cross inherits the best genes of the two lines, and the "get" (as it’s called in horse breeding) is better than most of the get they got within either line.

So, ready for this? To motivate out-crossing between top-IQ bi-racial lines – to encourage them to be sexually vigorous, from virginity to Viagra – they would be heavily subsidized. Free housing, nannies, expensive wines, exotic perfumes, mattresses, Johnny Mathis CDs, and bed linen laundering services.

Uh oh, I can see it now, as a last resort in a lost cause, those who’s stomachs can’t abide the image of black on white couplers will be lobbying for the senate bill to stipulate that black on white reproductive activity be by artificial insemination only.

But, wouldn’t you know, they will not have support for their amendment from those who consider artificial insemination to involve the blindingly sinful way of collecting seminal fluid. Cooler heads will, of course, work for some sort of comepromise (sic).